MONEY LIE: My Spouse Will Never Work With Me On Our Finances

Welcome to the “Money Lies” series here on the wildly popular In this series, I will be sharing many common money lies that people believe.

MONEY LIE #2: My spouse will never work with me on our finances.

This is a tough one. The “non-participating spouse” is a very real concern that many people have. They believe their spouse will never work with them on their finances. The really believe it, but it is a LIE! So many people have shared this issue with me, and have asked me to help them. As I dig into each situation, however, I usually discover that this lie has run really deep and has blinded people to real things they can do to get on the same financial page.

Here’s the TRUTH: Your spouse WILL work with you on your finances.

The key is to find out WHY they aren’t currently interested. Here are some great questions to ask:

  1. Why do they say they aren’t interested?
  2. What are their “money wounds” – the things that have happened in their financial past? Understanding their past can be very helpful toward fixing the future. Did they grow up in utter poverty? Or maybe with excess wealth? Have they experienced bankruptcy? Maybe their parents had a very dysfunctional relationship regarding their finances.
  3. Have you done anything to betray their financial trust?

Here are some practical steps you can take to involve your spouse in financial decisions:

  1. Write down your plans, hopes, and dreams and share them with your spouse.
  2. Ask your spouse to take some time to write down their plans, hopes, and dreams and share them with you.
  3. Write down the cost of each one and ask the question of your spouse: “If we keep going the same financial direction, will we be able to fund these dreams?”


  1. Badger, yell, holler, or scream at your spouse
  2. Issue “Do this … or else!” commandments
  3. Demean your spouse
  4. Make this a four-hour long discussion

I’ve found that connecting the “non-participating” spouse’s plans, hopes, and dreams to financial decisions is a very effective way to gain their participation.

Read the entire series (available after 2/20/2013)

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